Christmas on Crack

Christmas on Crack - Carlton Mellick III Rudy poured a hot chocolate and rum from the bar for everyone. He looked adoringly a his bedraggled family.

"Merry Christmas," he told them.

They raised their mug in a toast.


this book is quite possibly the most aptly named book of all time. every story in this book was bizarre as fuck, and some of them were actually pretty disgusting. i'm not very easy to gross out, especially since i've been on a seemingly endless binge of everything mellick has written, but... some of these stories made me feel literally, physically uncomfortable. my skin got all itchy and my teeth felt all weird and part of me loved it but other parts of me fucking hated it. in other words, it was perfect, exactly what it set out to be.

santa claus & the elves of fuck was a good place to start, maybe a tiny bit confusing, but you get what you pay for.

frosty & the full monty was short, sweet, and to the point. i liked it, too.

unwanted gifts i... i do not remember at all, so. okay.

two-way santa actually made me the most uncomfortable out of everything in this book because, for some reason, the idea of santa feeling a tender, emotional connection with a man and then having consensual sex with him bothers me more than basically anything else. that's a new development.

the christmas turn-on was almost nonsensical for me, personally. i didn't understand what the fuck was going on for about 60% of it but i knew that it was making me laugh out loud a lot, so i still enjoyed it.


i'm probably going to spend from now until next christmas wishing that i could unread the elf slut sisters. between bestiality and disturbing dick imagery, this is something that literally. grossed. me. out. i've still got a little bit of an uncomfortable feeling lingering around that i can only describe as the heeby jeebies. yuck. this was so important that it had to be outside of the spoilers tag.

christmas crabs was the shining jewel of this anthology for me, personally. it was bizarre and slightly gory without crossing the line into being actually gross. i was very fond of the characters, and the way they handled things in a hilariously nonchalant way while fucking crabs were fucking eating people.

overall, i loved this, even if it was absolutely insane. i'm glad it was the first full book i read on my brand new kindle. i just wish i hadn't stumbled over it on the day after christmas.