Spiral - Mila Ferrera
'always do the thing that scares you. that's the way to break out of a cage of your own making.' my father used to say that all the time. he died back when i was fifteen and left me with a lot of bad memories and a generic dark cloud hanging over my head, but his mantra's what i've chosen to keep for myself. it gives me a bit of courage when i need it most.

i don't even know where to start with this book, but i do know where i finished: 21%.

when i started this, i was actually kind of excited to read it (which was obviously my first mistake) because it sounded like it would be perfect. a psychology student, an intern and one of the fellows she works under? (no pun intended.) sign me up, like, yesterday.

but after roughly 5%, i found myself bored, annoyed, and apprehensive all at once. firstly, what a boring, cliché way to have your characters meet. i could almost appreciate it ironically - mocking the cliche, and so on, but this was absolutely not ironic. boring. in a whole hospital wing, clearly the only way for these two to meet that would be totally unique and show how quirky and clumsy and awkward my beloved mary sue is for her to bump into him! and spill his coffee all over him! step aside, hollywood, there's a new romcom queen in town! gross.

and then she's all googly eyed over this guy like she's 12, which may have been acceptable in a typical young adult novel but this girl is supposed to be 26. what right-minded 26 year old turns into a babbling idiot around men? who the fuck actually eeps over a text message from a practical stranger when they're grown? that was embarrassing and (admittedly irrationally) annoying.

he treats her like a piece of meat, more or less, or a commodity. he threatens past flings of hers, says he's going to make their job harder if they disrespect her, treats her like a piece of property that he already owns because he wants her so duh, he has her! women are just unclaimed pieces of meat waiting for some big strong man to come along and dibs them! perhaps the worst is that he says can "pay him back" for his jacket with her time and, although not stated, it's heavily implied, her body? fuck you, dr. creep. why do you treat your interns like they're an all you can eat buffet for you to take advantage of? i would've reported his ass no matter how unbelievably/conveniently hot he is. the fuck out of here with that; my body is not currency. you're lucky i don't set you and that stupid shirt on fire.

but does our mary sue feel that way? hell no! creepy, oppressive, obsessive, possessive, fucking abusive dr. delicious has her wet as fuck. from literally ground zero. someone get this girl some water, stat, because she's acting like she's fucking dying of dehydration.

p.s. i would also like to say that the use of a guy like nick: stupid, selfish, abusive, slutshaming, and of course - of fucking course - attempting to rape our mary sue and stalking her like she hung the moon (or, at the very least, has an actual personality — neither of those things is true, for the record) is yet another sign of a weak ass story. dude is a straight up disney villain, a caricature of a person clearly geared just to make dr. dick look like a superhero to our swooning, weak-knees, wet-pantied waif of a main character. pathetic. he wasn't even all that wrong to begin with. not that she deserves to have her dress ripped/have him attempt to rape her or whatever (because no one deserves that; no means no, and even if you change your mind partway through sex, no still means no,) but don't be an idiot and tell him maybe or make plans with him or do anything other than give him a stone cold no, especially after that happens. you're putting yourself directly in harm's way — and at the age of 26, that's incredibly shameful.

generally speaking, don't shit where you sleep, dumbass. you can't have romantic entanglements with a handful of men that all work with you without it coming back to bite you sooner or later.